The Fandom Strikes Back
by knives4cash
Summary: Ruby and Weiss have a fight. Hilarity ensues.


Part twenty-five of my RWBY series, "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose"

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The corridor is dark and narrow. Not exactly ideal for Myrtenaster, but I suppose I'll manage. My rear has been handed to me in open spaces, so I might as well try closed. Blade in hand, I carefully follow the path down, searching for my opponent, who quite frankly has done a good deal of damage. My body aches, there are bruises all over my gloriously smooth skin, and she even got part of my face to swell up. The dunce.

She jumps out! Wildly slashing and spinning about, twirling and sending a flurry of roses in my direction. I block, I counter, I leap back and attack some more, but she's driving me back, confound it!

My sword continues to clash against her own blade, but she continues to drive me back down the precariously placed platform, narrow and long, but not eternal. Soon enough, I've run out of retreating room and am knocked onto my back.

"You are beaten," Ruby seeths. "It is useless to resist!" Scythe inches away from my once-beautiful face, she commands, "Don't let yourself be destroyed as that old guy did!"

Her monologue gives me time to swat her scythe away and scramble to my feet, barely dodging the next strike, and I manage to strike a blow on her shoulder, to which she reacts in anger.

Grabbing onto a conveniently-placed poll, I desperately throw my weight into the swing. But Ruby blocks it, twirl her scythe, and before I know it, she's cut it off.

"AAAAAAAGH!" I clutch the remaining stump! Oh, what a tragic end for me! Weiss Schnee! I think I'll get all symbolic and kneel to her.

"There is no escape," she breaths. "Don't make me destroy you."

Now would be a GREAT time to back away on this really narrow rail-thingy that leads to some kind of cable dish-thingy. That's it, Weiss. Just one humble, pathetic push at a time.

"Weiss," Ruby begins as she locks up Crescent Rose. "You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me!" she offers. "And I will complete your training! With our combined strength, we can END this destructive conflict and bring order to the fandom!"

"I'll never join you!" I scream as I clutch onto the cable tower dish thingy. Seriously, why is this in the middle of a massive, endless vacuum of a cylinder?!

"If you only knew the powaaar of the shipping fandom!" Ruby woes in my general direction. "Python never told you what happens to your love interest," she observes.

"He told me enough!" I correct. "He told me YOU killed her!"

"No," she disagrees. "_**I** _am your love interest!" she declares as she takes a deep breath.

"No," I breath as the symphony orchestra kicks in. "That's not true. That's imPOSSIBLE!" I shriek.

"Search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!" she yells back.

No! "NOOOO!" I deny. "Nooo!"

"Weiss," Ruby begins again. "You can destroy the canon! It is your DESTINY! Join me! And together, we-"

"No, I was shouting, 'noooo' in rejection to your claim," I correct.

"Wait, what?" she double-takes as the wind whips through her cape. "You what now?"

"Yeah, you say that you're my love interest, and then I disagree, and your response is to tell me to 'search my feelings'?" I double-check. "Look at this!" I declare, holding up the stump of Myrtenaster in my hand that was never cut off to begin with. "You've ruined my favorite weapon! That's not something you'd do in a healthy relationship, Ruby!"

"But- but your feelings!" Ruby please, "You KNOW them to be true!"

"No, I don't!" I remind her for the millionth time. "There has been absolutely no evidence to support that crazy idea! We didn't even interact in the first movie! I shot at you when you 'struck down' the old guy, you took a few shots at me in the trench, I blew up your giant space ball and that was it!"

"So?!" she asks. "That was the first one, this is the second one!"

"Again! No interactions between you and I until the fight!" Groaning, I toss the handle of Myrtenaster into the abyss. "What makes you think I'd believe such a ludicrous statement? You have absolutely NO evidence to support the claim!"

"Now look here, my master told me that you were a threat to be eliminated, and I wanted to SAVE you!" she points out.

"Oh, so you feel that you're ENTITLED to me?!" Unbelievable! What a pathetic child!

"NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN AT ALL!" she shouts in frustration. "You hear me out, Weiss Schnee!" she demands. "I had to go through three awful prequels to get to you, and I'm not about to let you sod off not believing me! I AM your love interest! It IS your destiny!" she argues valiantly.

"Would you stop using that word?!" I demand. "Not giving me a choice in the matter isn't destiny, it's tyranny!"

"No, it's DESTINY!" Ruby argues. "You're supposed to join me! I AM your love interest!"

"Look, I'm not saying you AREN'T my love interest, okay?! I'm just saying that I have no reason to BELIEVE you when you say that you ARE!" Gosh! What's so difficult to understand about this matter?! I just don't believe her! I'm not saying she isn't right, but right now I don't believe it!

"Okay, what would convince you?" Ruby begs, hair and cape flouncing about just as much as her emotions.

"I suppose a script would suffice," I ponder.

"Right, because I can just get the writers to give me a script for an episode that hasn't been written yet," Ruby sarcastically seeths. "Okay, so you know how at the beginning of the fight I told you that your destiny lay with me? And that how the old fart knew that to be true or whatever?"

"So?" I wonder in bewilderment.

"So that proves that I'm your love interest!" Ruby declares with a smile.

"No, it's not!" I reprimand. Ugh, this is getting out of hand. "Okay, we're both riled up, Ruby," I point out. "You've been trying to prove that you're my love interest, I got my favorite weapon chopped off and rendered useless."

"Yeah, I guess we're both pretty miffed right now," she concedes. "I don't think now is the time to ask you to make such an important decision."

"Thank you," I offer with a smile. "Now, why don't we resume this conversation tomorrow?" I ask.

She offers her hand. "That sounds good."

I accept her hand, and she pulls me back onto the platform. "I haven't eaten since breakfast, and we had a rather demanding fight. Shall we grab a bite to eat?"

She nods. "I'd like that, Weiss." Motioning for me to follow, she starts back, cape gently flowing in the breeze, hair flipping about, long legs striding without flaw.

She smells like roses.

…Oh no.

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**A/N: **By far, the most satire I've ever stuffed into one work.


End file.
